Tag Archives: midlife women

Finishing my book

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I am writing.

Well, I am charged with writing my book, but instead I am writing a blog post.

We are at the beach and it's a gorgeous morning (after a series of awful, cold, windy and rainy mornings). "We" refers to me and the two Shelties that are doing a good job of distracting me from writing. Milli and Boomer are here because I knew I would worry about them if they were home. But they sure require a lot of my precious attention.

They are out wandering on the deck right now. I'm at the beach house that will be occupied by the ADDiva retreat women in October, I am living in it so I will know how we can best use it for the retreat. Already I am envisioning yoga at sunrise and meetings at the octagonal deck on the sand. It's a marvelous place to be.

But my book is going more slowly than I anticipated and I have a DEADLINE. OK, I will say it out loud: my book is going to be written, edited and printed by my birthday, April 29, 2011. OMG! Are you kidding me?

The more I write, the more I need to write. I worked with Judith Kohlberg for a weekend and she encouraged me to drop out a lot of stuff I thought was important ("You have other books to write. Save something for them," she told me). But I am adding that stuff back in. It IS important. And I want this book to be rich and full of tidbits and anecdotes about life in the non-linear lane.

Here I am sitting at my brought-from-home desk with adjustable tables all around me. It's an amazing view. I wish I had more time (don't I ALWAYS Wish I had more time?) but I promise you this: the book WILL be done. DONE, do you hear me? DONE. By my birthday.

So I'd better write…see you later..and keep WRITING!!

Depression delights

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Maybe it was my husband’s near-fatal heart condition (http://lindaroggli NULL.blogspot NULL.com/2007/03/nailing-down-cloud NULL.html ) three years ago. Maybe it was the cease-and-desist order for GardenSpirit (my dream come true retreat house) (http://gardenspirit NULL.com) last year, which is forcing me to jump through extremely bureaucratic hoops (can you spell R-E-D T-A-P-E?). Maybe it was my parents moving into assisted living this week with virtually no notice. Maybe it was the failed project to redirect water away from my front yard that culminated in an ugly gash 4 feet wide and 200 feet long. Maybe was my dear Sheltie painfully hobbling toward an inevitable end. Maybe.
 
Or maybe, under a constant attack of stress, my brain reverted to its genetic predisposition. Depression.
 
Ugh. I really hate that word. And it seems to have descended on me despite my best efforts to 1) ignore it 2) pretend I was far too ‘healthy’ to fall victim to it and 3) work like a madwoman to outrun it. But thanks to my new psychiatrist, I am starting to view depression in a different light.
 
“It is really unfortunate that we use the word ‘depression’ because it sounds like you are sad. That’s not what depression is,” Dr. Ware (http://www NULL.chapelhillpa NULL.com/providers NULL.htm) told me yesterday. “It’s more like the frontal lobe of the brain goes dark.”
 
Frontal lobe? Hey, isn’t that an ADHD issue? Isn’t that all about executive function and planning and impulse control? Hmmm, could they possibly be related? Well yes. And no.
 
Depression isn’t ADHD. I was pretty angry when I found out I had ADHD because depression and ADHD in women are often confused. Even after I learned that ADHD often has a sidecar disorder along for the ride (like depression, bipolar, obsessive-compulsive), I was mad at all those doctors who had misdiagnosed me. I decided I’d probably never been depressed at all. It had been the ADHD all along, right?
 
Uh, probably not. Dr. Ware reminded me that signs of depression include lack of concentration, distractibility, trouble with focus. Huh. Sounds a lot like my good friends Inattention and Distraction, who pop up in a diagnosis of ADHD.
 
I suspect that for me, depression and ADHD take turns at the helm. One is in the driver’s seat while the other rides in the sidecar, then they switch places. Since it has been years since I was really depressed, I blithely decided that it would never return. Ever. WRONG.
 
Many of you wondered why I chose to stop taking my Adderall, especially when it had served me so well in the past. What I now realize is that the Adderall was keeping me afloat, squishing that depression into a corner so I could get something DONE (my favorite four letter word, remember?).
 
It was actually a miracle/stroke of genius/blessing that I stopped taking my Adderall because it peeled back the covers to reveal a more basic issue that I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise. When Dr. Ware told me that  depression actually causes cell death in the brain (which is repairable, thank goodness) I suddenly understood why I’ve been struggling with even basic tasks (but embarrassed to admit it).
 
I have lots more to say about this but I know the ADD brain prefers short, sweet articles, so I’ll stop here for today. Stay tuned …
 
Oh, and my treatment plan includes being consistent with my antidepressant, fish oil, exercise and folic acid….tantalized???? Come back tomorrow for more….
 
(But first, tell me about your experience with depression…were you ever diagnosed with depression before your ADHD diagnosis? After? Talk to me!)

Gardening as ADHD therapy

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Spring gardening is the perfect antidote for ADD women. Look at the possibilities:

1. There is always something new coming up  – sprouts, flowers, seed pods…

2. You can make a huge mess and nobody cares because you're SUPPOSED to get dirty when you garden (cool, huh?)

3. Planting is really satisfying – plopping those seeds in the ground and waiting a week or so to see the new life pop through (even cooler!)

4. It's an OUTDOOR event; research shows that people are happier when they are outdoors around green leafy things, like trees and plants.

5. It's good exercise; ADHD improves with exercise. Read John Ratey's book "Spark" and you'll see what I mean.

6. Most important of all, gardening is good for the soul. It literally GROUNDS you. Sinking your fingers into the damp earth reconnects you to the earth and that, in turn, reconnects you to YOU.

Even if you're not a gardener (yet) and  think you have a brown thumb, try planting a few petunias or radishes. You might be surprised at the results.

Then write and tell me all about it….I love hearing about your experiences!

Hugs,

Linda

The older I get, the more I forget

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Darn it, anyway!

I swear I used to have a memory. But now my memory is just … well, a memory.

Honestly, I thought menopausal madness had come and gone for me (in two weeks I’ll be – gulp! – 57 – gulp! again).

But today I saw my favorite sweater come out of the washing machine – the sweater I DON"T want to wash.

Ever.

I cringed. Then I bravely said something like "I would really prefer that my pink sweater isn’t washed in the machine." And Janine, my faithful assistant said, with a look of complete astonishment, "But you just handed it to me!"

I DID? HUH?

I have absolutely NO memory of handing her the sweater, even taking OFF the sweater. I am freaking OUT here.

It was literally 20 minutes ago and I cannot bring back any trace of that event. I remember thinking "I don’t want to wash this." I even put it at the back of the closet so it wouldn’t get washed. How in the heck did it get from the closet to the laundry room without me noticing?? Especially if I actually handed it to Janine.

Whose life am I living anyway??

I miss my memory.

If I could remember where I left it, I’d like to have it back.

Now what was I talking about?

 

Hormone replacement is now a good thing?

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A new study to be published this month in a peer-reviewed journa (http://www NULL.orgyn NULL.com/en/webzine/2008/Issue_25/Hormone_therapy_upda NULL.asp?C=69149398265956018519)l says that the hysteria and fear about hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is an overreaction to the 2002 findings of the Women’s Health Initiative. (http://www NULL.nhlbi NULL.nih NULL.gov/whi/)What a relief! My OB-GYN doc was right … so maybe I won’t keel over of a heart attack or stroke or mysterious illness that eats my nose off after all!

I know my admission of using HRT in a past blog entry was a bit controversial. After all, it was my choice, not a recommendation. But it raised some hackles. Many women are intent on using soy or over the counter remedies to counteract the symptoms of menopause.

My symptoms were awful, though. Fifty hot flashes a day, brain dead, a walking zombie. What kind of life is THAT? My doc recognized that and strongly urged me to consider and reconsider HRT. It took a year but I finally gave in..and what a difference it made!

I swear my ADHD brain was improved by 100% when I started using the Vivelle patch – an inconspicuous transparent patch that I wear just below bikini level. Double blind studies have shown NO cognitive improvement with HRT, but that wasn’t my experience. The new study now admits there may be cognitive improvement with hormone replacement — does ANYBODY know what’s really going on? It’s frustrating to get so many conflicting opinions.

I finally decided that I needed to make choices for me. And I went for the estrogen patches .. unopposed estrogen, mind you. And I have an ultrasound every year to watch for signs of cancer. So far, so good.

I am seeing my doc this week to find out what’s next. HRT is appropriate for about seven years and I’m in year six. Do I stop? Do I continue? What will happen if I take off those patches for good? Stay tuned. We’ll see what professional medical advice this wise woman gives me. If it’s pertinent, I’ll pass it along…..for your review only.

Remember, I’m not a doc. Just a woman trying to think straight!

Hugs

Linda