Tag Archives: depression

Depression delights

Posted on by
4
Maybe it was my husband’s near-fatal heart condition (http://lindaroggli NULL.blogspot NULL.com/2007/03/nailing-down-cloud NULL.html ) three years ago. Maybe it was the cease-and-desist order for GardenSpirit (my dream come true retreat house) (http://gardenspirit NULL.com) last year, which is forcing me to jump through extremely bureaucratic hoops (can you spell R-E-D T-A-P-E?). Maybe it was my parents moving into assisted living this week with virtually no notice. Maybe it was the failed project to redirect water away from my front yard that culminated in an ugly gash 4 feet wide and 200 feet long. Maybe was my dear Sheltie painfully hobbling toward an inevitable end. Maybe.
 
Or maybe, under a constant attack of stress, my brain reverted to its genetic predisposition. Depression.
 
Ugh. I really hate that word. And it seems to have descended on me despite my best efforts to 1) ignore it 2) pretend I was far too ‘healthy’ to fall victim to it and 3) work like a madwoman to outrun it. But thanks to my new psychiatrist, I am starting to view depression in a different light.
 
“It is really unfortunate that we use the word ‘depression’ because it sounds like you are sad. That’s not what depression is,” Dr. Ware (http://www NULL.chapelhillpa NULL.com/providers NULL.htm) told me yesterday. “It’s more like the frontal lobe of the brain goes dark.”
 
Frontal lobe? Hey, isn’t that an ADHD issue? Isn’t that all about executive function and planning and impulse control? Hmmm, could they possibly be related? Well yes. And no.
 
Depression isn’t ADHD. I was pretty angry when I found out I had ADHD because depression and ADHD in women are often confused. Even after I learned that ADHD often has a sidecar disorder along for the ride (like depression, bipolar, obsessive-compulsive), I was mad at all those doctors who had misdiagnosed me. I decided I’d probably never been depressed at all. It had been the ADHD all along, right?
 
Uh, probably not. Dr. Ware reminded me that signs of depression include lack of concentration, distractibility, trouble with focus. Huh. Sounds a lot like my good friends Inattention and Distraction, who pop up in a diagnosis of ADHD.
 
I suspect that for me, depression and ADHD take turns at the helm. One is in the driver’s seat while the other rides in the sidecar, then they switch places. Since it has been years since I was really depressed, I blithely decided that it would never return. Ever. WRONG.
 
Many of you wondered why I chose to stop taking my Adderall, especially when it had served me so well in the past. What I now realize is that the Adderall was keeping me afloat, squishing that depression into a corner so I could get something DONE (my favorite four letter word, remember?).
 
It was actually a miracle/stroke of genius/blessing that I stopped taking my Adderall because it peeled back the covers to reveal a more basic issue that I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise. When Dr. Ware told me that  depression actually causes cell death in the brain (which is repairable, thank goodness) I suddenly understood why I’ve been struggling with even basic tasks (but embarrassed to admit it).
 
I have lots more to say about this but I know the ADD brain prefers short, sweet articles, so I’ll stop here for today. Stay tuned …
 
Oh, and my treatment plan includes being consistent with my antidepressant, fish oil, exercise and folic acid….tantalized???? Come back tomorrow for more….
 
(But first, tell me about your experience with depression…were you ever diagnosed with depression before your ADHD diagnosis? After? Talk to me!)

Mood changes

Posted on by
3

Is it just me or is the world more moody these days?

Oh yeah. It's me.

I don't know what's going on with me and have been reluctant to share it with you since I try hard to stay upbeat. But darn it, I just can't seem to get it together right now. I forget things. I snap at people I love. I overreact.

I suppose you could point to my Adderall "vacation" as the cause, but it was happening even before that. In fact, that was one of the reasons I actually TOOK a vacation from stimulants (helped along by new information from Tracy Ware).

I just don't feel like "me" right now. Everything seems to bring out the worst in me. I am not happy with this person I have reverted to (yes there was a dark time that I was this person almost all the time – yuck).

In between, I managed to turn a big corner: I was in touch with my own wisdom. I could trust my intuition (and did). And now it's like a delicious dream from which I have awakened. I want to go back to sleep again. I want the "good Linda" back again (sigh).

Well, what's the lesson here? That life isn't all a bowl of cherries? That I don't have it all "together?" That it's pretty normal to ebb and flow with moods and wisdom and intuition and the rest of it? Probably.

What I do know is that it will return – that elusive sense of well being. I know it. I've tasted it, lived it, steeped in it. And I will again. But right now, I just wanna crawl into a little ball and cry. I might just do it. Tears are cathartic for me.

Oh, wait, I have to go to a birthday party in 10 minutes!. Maybe the storm can wait a bit,,, Pictures from the Big Birthday coming up next.

ADD, depression and divorce

Posted on by
3

Q. I’ve had ADD all my life and am suffering with procrastination ! I have just lost a 30-year marriage and I feel so alone and lost … hopeless. Even with great friends and family support. Just had to move out of my house and into a townhouse and all I see is disorganization and pain. Is this depression or what? HELP – S.W.

A. What you’re experiencing is probably a combination of depression and ADD symptoms – but I am not a physician so can’t diagnose it for you. If you aren’t seeing a doctor about this, please do so. If it’s indicated, medication can make a world of difference.

My own experience with divorce and ADD, though, has been difficult. I was very emotional and like a ping pong ball bouncing from high to low (mostly low). But I survived and now am thriving – and you can too!

The loss of your old life, home and even friends is devastating. Major, major life changes. You need to be very gentle with yourself as you heal and put yourself back together as a new, different woman. Yes, your ADD will follow you everywhere but you don’t have to be defined by it – you are more than your ADD.

And trust me, you ARE a magnificent woman under all that chaos and sadness. It’s OK to be sad…you are mourning the loss of a love (If you haven’t read "How to Survive The Loss of a Love," try to find it at the bookstore or library – it’s wonderful).

I imagine you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I feel that way a LOT and I am past my divorce(s) by many many years. Heck, I married the same guy TWICE..hmmmm….tenacious? I guess!

What I know to be true is that (forgive me for getting esoteric here) everything, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It may feel sucky right now but this is the right thing to happen at the right time. Maybe you needed to get out of your old rut. Maybe you had been unhappy in your marriage. Maybe you were spiritually ready for something big and different. It may be difficult for you to see the perfection in this turn of events.

But there is a upside to everything. I don’t want to play Pollyanna in the face of your misery – please don’t see this as negating how you are feeling. You have a right to feel as you feel. AND there are brighter days ahead, I promise. I know. I guarantee.

Please, if you haven’t done so, join the ADDiva Network and then the ADDiva Yahoo forum and "talk" to some of the other women there. You are NOT alone. You are among friends. And I am one of them.


Many tender hugs,
Linda

Wellbutrin generic – bad news?

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve always worried that generic drugs aren’t quite as good as the brand name version and now there’s mounting evidence to prove it.

Wellbutrin XL 300 (Budeprion XL) works just fine for depression and many ADHD symptoms. But when some patients are switched to the generic formulation, they reported frightening symptoms: fast onset of severe depression and serious suicidal thoughts.

In a recent article published by the People’s Pharmacy (http://peoplespharmacy NULL.com/)a woman reported no problems with the original Wellbutrin XL 300 but said that she had "the worst case of depression" she could remember when her pharmacy substituted the generic equivalent. It should be noted that the difference has not been reported in the 150 XL formulation at this point.

Apparently the generic version releases the medication at a different rate than the original, thus creating quite different response rates and effectiveness.

This news scares me – because a lot of ADDivas take Wellbutrin, including me – and there is the potential for serious repercussions. Suicide is not to be taken lightly, especially when antidepressants are supposed to ward off those thoughts and actions.

Equally important, however, is that many ADD women and men have already experienced differences in generic medications vs. brand name drugs that treat ADHD. I cannot take generic Adderall, for instance. Other people cannot take the brand name version. Ditto for any of the other drugs on the market today.

There are two ways to look at this issue, in my opinion.

1) We need to make SURE that we are receiving the exact drugs prescribed for us with NO substitutions by the pharmacy or insurance company (this may take some lobbying by you or your doctor).

2) If generics really do release their active ingredients at different rates than the original drug, it gives us even MORE options to play with to treat our ADHD symptoms.

After all, drug companies are making a fortune by adjusting the release time of ordinary drugs like old fashioned Ritalin, slapping their brand on the bottle and charging 10 times the price of generics. I know folks who can’t take the brand name drug but have good results with the generic. It works both ways. But the bottom line is the same: we all react differently to medication release schedules, to the type of drug prescribed, to the interval we take the drug, etc.

OK, now the disclaimer: this is NOT something to play with on your own. Obviously there can be serious consequences. Drugs are not a smorgasbord from which we can pick and choose. Work with your doctor to find the best combination for you.

But if you are switched to a generic and suddenly notice your symptoms change, call the pharmacy AND the doctor immediately. You deserve to take the meds that work best for you,
brand name OR generic.

Read the full report at Consumer Lab. (http://www NULL.consumerlab NULL.com/)