Tag Archives: adhd women

“Focus Factor” on sale til 2/28/11

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Hie thee to Costco (http://http//www NULL.costco NULL.com/Browse/Product NULL.aspx?Prodid=11507373&search=FOCUS%20FACTOR&topnav=&Mo=0&cm_re=1_en-_-Top_Left_Nav-_-Top_search&lang=en-US&Nr=P_CatalogName:BC&N=5000043&whse=BC&Dx=mode%20matchallpartial&Ntk=Text_Search&Dr=P_CatalogName:BC&Ne=4000000&D=FOCUS%20FACTOR&Ntt=FOCUS%20FACTOR&No=0&Nty=1&Ntx=mode%20matchallpartial) this month if you want to save some money on “Focus Factor, (http://www NULL.focusfactor NULL.com/?gclid=CMTc9My5nKcCFSVe7AodOGANbA)” a supplement that is supposed to  help attention and focus. Normally the price for 150 tablets is about $50 in drugstores but at Costco this month the price is $18 and some change. AND with a Costco coupon, you save an additional $4 per bottle! That means you can buy three bottles for less than the price of ONE bottle retail.

I’ve been taking “Focus Factor” since I went off my Adderall about 9 months ago. I struggled for months,  so I tried the generic knockoff of it (no longer manufactured) and found that it made me calmer and perhaps a little more focused. That’s good enough for me. After all, it’s just vitamins and I can always use a few more of those in my body.

You are supposed to take 4 pills a day, every day! That’s a bunch of money! So I was SO happy to see it at Costco (http://http://www NULL.costco NULL.com/Browse/Product NULL.aspx?Prodid=11507373&search=FOCUS%20FACTOR&topnav=&Mo=0&cm_re=1_en-_-Top_Left_Nav-_-Top_search&lang=en-US&Nr=P_CatalogName:BC&N=5000043&whse=BC&Dx=mode%20matchallpartial&Ntk=Text_Search&Dr=P_CatalogName:BC&Ne=4000000&D=FOCUS%20FACTOR&Ntt=FOCUS%20FACTOR&No=0&Nty=1&Ntx=mode%20matchallpartial) AND with the coupon, too (you can order it online without the coupon – but you do need a Costco membership).  The limit is four bottles, so I bought my limit and put three of them in the freezer for later.

Just thought you’d like to know.

Hugs

Linda

PS I am also taking 3000 units of fish oil as recommended by my psychiatrist — Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega (http://www NULL.nordicnaturals NULL.com/en/Products/Product_Details/98/?ProdID=1428)which has extra potent strength. I take them with food (it’s an oil and needs food to be absorbed easily). Oh, and I keep them in the freezer, too (that’s what reminded me to tell you this!)

Finishing my book

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I am writing.

Well, I am charged with writing my book, but instead I am writing a blog post.

We are at the beach and it's a gorgeous morning (after a series of awful, cold, windy and rainy mornings). "We" refers to me and the two Shelties that are doing a good job of distracting me from writing. Milli and Boomer are here because I knew I would worry about them if they were home. But they sure require a lot of my precious attention.

They are out wandering on the deck right now. I'm at the beach house that will be occupied by the ADDiva retreat women in October, I am living in it so I will know how we can best use it for the retreat. Already I am envisioning yoga at sunrise and meetings at the octagonal deck on the sand. It's a marvelous place to be.

But my book is going more slowly than I anticipated and I have a DEADLINE. OK, I will say it out loud: my book is going to be written, edited and printed by my birthday, April 29, 2011. OMG! Are you kidding me?

The more I write, the more I need to write. I worked with Judith Kohlberg for a weekend and she encouraged me to drop out a lot of stuff I thought was important ("You have other books to write. Save something for them," she told me). But I am adding that stuff back in. It IS important. And I want this book to be rich and full of tidbits and anecdotes about life in the non-linear lane.

Here I am sitting at my brought-from-home desk with adjustable tables all around me. It's an amazing view. I wish I had more time (don't I ALWAYS Wish I had more time?) but I promise you this: the book WILL be done. DONE, do you hear me? DONE. By my birthday.

So I'd better write…see you later..and keep WRITING!!

CogMed – Take 2

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About a year ago, in the interests of giving everything a try that purports to help ADHD, I plunked down my money (a lot of money actually – $1500) and set about trying CogMed, a computer-based memory training program. (http://cogmed NULL.com)

At the time, I was absolutely overwhelmed – more than usual overwhelm – and knew I wasn't going to be able to give the program the time and, um, attention, it needed. But I plunged in valiantly. The result was not so good. The exercises are difficult and get more difficult as the program progresses. That's by design – there is a computer somewhere in Europe that constantly monitors my efforts and scores. If I am doing well, it increases the difficulty. If I am floundering, it eases up a bit to let me get back in the groove.

But there's the rub – there IS no groove. Every time I start feeling confident, the doggone program ups the ante. It's maddening. And frustrating.

Embarrassingly, of all the people Dr. Tracy Ware has coached through CogMed, I was the ONLY person who didn't finish. A sad distinction, especially since I had a year to finish the program. I even stopped taking my Adderall, in part, because I'd heard that people did better on CogMed without meds.

To be fair to myself, CogMed is a PC program. I am a Mac person. I had a really old PC laptop that died this year. So it was a major headache to load the program and DO it. Tried to install Windows on my Mac and never did get it figured out (I am sure it's possible, I was just too overwhelmed with other stuff to make it work).  Then there was the question of time. My sessions lasted 90 minutes – sometimes longer. It took me a long time to buckle down my brain and force it to work in the way that CogMed demands. My head hurts remembering it.

So why in the world would I try it again? Because apparently it really makes a difference for ADDivas like me. Some of my best friends have had remarkable success with CogMed. They say the old patterns still had to be changed but thanks to the results of CogMed, new patterns were POSSIBLE.

I've always said that most of the advice given to ADHD folks is just the same old advice given to linear people. The only problem is that linear people can IMPLEMENT that advice. I recently was disheartened to hear a noted psychologist tell someone to "just DO it" – like we haven't tried that already! But if CogMed can help my brain actually conform to those linear standards a little better, then it might be worth another shot.

A few weeks ago, I plunked down more money (not quite as much, thankfully) and decided to give CogMed another try, especially in light of the buzz at CHADD this year that working memory is the key to ADHD problems and perhaps treatment.

I still had the disk from last year so I could start any time. Tracy sent me the new login but I let it languish for two weeks. I was at CHADD, the ADDA board retreat and I knew I wouldn't be able to start or sustain training in the midst of travel. So….this weekend, I blew the dust off the CD cover and popped it into my new PC laptop (I actually bought a laptop for CogMed  … and my Quickbooks files which suck on a Mac).

I was guardedly optimistic – I had some experience with this, after all, so perhaps it would be easier. Nope. The program still kicks my butt. I have no idea what my baseline working memory showed when I started yesterday but it couldn't have been good. I still stumbled, mostly on the spatial tasks that require chasing a series of lighted dots and reproducing the same pattern with my mouse. Ha. Good luck with that one.

This time, I have scheduled CogMed into my life five days a week. I am going to finish it, I swear. The research is too compelling NOT to jump into this again. And I will keep you posted right here. Deal? OK then. I'm going to talk about Day Two in a separate post.

Never forget anything again … ever!

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OK, maybe that was a little too extreme. I get a little carried away with techno-bling that really works. And this smartpen WORKS.

It’s a fat-but-sleek ink pen that has a recorder (kinda cool), a microphone (pretty neat) and a camera (spectacular!) that will capture virtually everything you can write, draw, speak or dialogue with (OK,  I know it’s poor grammar, but I am too excited to correct it).

I received my Livescribe Pulse smart pen (http://www NULL.livescribe NULL.com/Smartpen/index NULL.html) last week but had no time to open it until Wednesday when I took it on a spin with a long-time client. As we talked, my Pulse recorded everything we both said AND it recorded the notes I took, too. With a camera. Under the pen “nib.” Really?

At the end of the session, I stopped the recording (by touching the pen to the “stop” command printed at the bottom of the page!!) and then turned back a couple of pages. I touched the end of the pen to a word I had written 10 minutes earlier and…..my voice flowed out of the pen with words I had used EXACTLY at the moment I wrote that word. WOW. OMG. This is big. This is HUGE.

The darned camera had actually recorded my scribbles and saved them! And thank goodness, had also saved the spoken words too. That’s a blessing considering that my ADDiva handwriting leaves something to be desired (my mother swears I was a doctor in another life, but actually my doctor-husband has to decipher my notes for me!),

I was even more amazed when I put the Livescribe pen in its special holster to connect it to my computer (via USB). Not only did the audio recording upload to the special Livescribe desktop software (for either Mac or PC), it uploaded my scribbles, too,

This is about as close to perfection as I’ve seen in the technology world. And the darned thing even creates a piano that you can play!!!!

The catch is that you MUST use the special computer imprinted paper to capture the words and audio (the paper is full of little dots that tell the computer where you have made a mark, etc). I was leery of proprietary notebooks, especially about price, but they aren’t too bad.

A four-pack of notebooks with 100 pages each is about $20..that’s about $5 each which isn’t terrible. Not cheap. Not wildly expensive. And you can use (should use) both sides of the page since the pages are numbered.

Here’s the website (http://www NULL.livescribe NULL.com/en-us/)– I thought you should know!

Hugs,

(Update since I bought my pen in March — there is a new version out named the Echo … even better and still the same price)

Depression delights

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Maybe it was my husband’s near-fatal heart condition (http://lindaroggli NULL.blogspot NULL.com/2007/03/nailing-down-cloud NULL.html ) three years ago. Maybe it was the cease-and-desist order for GardenSpirit (my dream come true retreat house) (http://gardenspirit NULL.com) last year, which is forcing me to jump through extremely bureaucratic hoops (can you spell R-E-D T-A-P-E?). Maybe it was my parents moving into assisted living this week with virtually no notice. Maybe it was the failed project to redirect water away from my front yard that culminated in an ugly gash 4 feet wide and 200 feet long. Maybe was my dear Sheltie painfully hobbling toward an inevitable end. Maybe.
 
Or maybe, under a constant attack of stress, my brain reverted to its genetic predisposition. Depression.
 
Ugh. I really hate that word. And it seems to have descended on me despite my best efforts to 1) ignore it 2) pretend I was far too ‘healthy’ to fall victim to it and 3) work like a madwoman to outrun it. But thanks to my new psychiatrist, I am starting to view depression in a different light.
 
“It is really unfortunate that we use the word ‘depression’ because it sounds like you are sad. That’s not what depression is,” Dr. Ware (http://www NULL.chapelhillpa NULL.com/providers NULL.htm) told me yesterday. “It’s more like the frontal lobe of the brain goes dark.”
 
Frontal lobe? Hey, isn’t that an ADHD issue? Isn’t that all about executive function and planning and impulse control? Hmmm, could they possibly be related? Well yes. And no.
 
Depression isn’t ADHD. I was pretty angry when I found out I had ADHD because depression and ADHD in women are often confused. Even after I learned that ADHD often has a sidecar disorder along for the ride (like depression, bipolar, obsessive-compulsive), I was mad at all those doctors who had misdiagnosed me. I decided I’d probably never been depressed at all. It had been the ADHD all along, right?
 
Uh, probably not. Dr. Ware reminded me that signs of depression include lack of concentration, distractibility, trouble with focus. Huh. Sounds a lot like my good friends Inattention and Distraction, who pop up in a diagnosis of ADHD.
 
I suspect that for me, depression and ADHD take turns at the helm. One is in the driver’s seat while the other rides in the sidecar, then they switch places. Since it has been years since I was really depressed, I blithely decided that it would never return. Ever. WRONG.
 
Many of you wondered why I chose to stop taking my Adderall, especially when it had served me so well in the past. What I now realize is that the Adderall was keeping me afloat, squishing that depression into a corner so I could get something DONE (my favorite four letter word, remember?).
 
It was actually a miracle/stroke of genius/blessing that I stopped taking my Adderall because it peeled back the covers to reveal a more basic issue that I probably wouldn't have noticed otherwise. When Dr. Ware told me that  depression actually causes cell death in the brain (which is repairable, thank goodness) I suddenly understood why I’ve been struggling with even basic tasks (but embarrassed to admit it).
 
I have lots more to say about this but I know the ADD brain prefers short, sweet articles, so I’ll stop here for today. Stay tuned …
 
Oh, and my treatment plan includes being consistent with my antidepressant, fish oil, exercise and folic acid….tantalized???? Come back tomorrow for more….
 
(But first, tell me about your experience with depression…were you ever diagnosed with depression before your ADHD diagnosis? After? Talk to me!)

Million dollar ideas

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I read somewhere that all of us come up with million-dollar ideas every week, perhaps even every day (for ADDivas like us, it might be as often as hourly!).

But we seldom ACT on those ideas, for a variety of reasons: lack of time, self doubt, fear of failure.

When I have those ideas (quite often), I am sure I will remember them later but — my ADD brain conveniently forgets them almost instantly. I usually have some growling hint that I had a brilliant idea but no memory as to the substance of the idea itself!

So…I propose that we use this space as a catch-all for our million dollar ideas. Even if we don't have time to work on them right now, at least they are captured and we can go back to see them again.

One caveat: if you see a Million Dollar Idea that speaks to you, please check with the person who submitted it. In other words, no stealing THEIR good idea and making it your own unless the originator gives you permission. This will be a place of creativity and ideas, not a mudfight, OK?

I am creating a separate category for Million Dollar Ideas (under ADDiva Entrepreneurs); and I will kick off the parade with my first idea….check it out!

Three weeks without Adderall

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OK, it's been three weeks since my last Adderall and I am reporting on the effects (or lack of them).

For the first few days, I found myself on autopilot, reaching for the pill case that contained my little blue "energy pills." But I steeled myself against taking them and let the ride wind down. I thought after a week, I'd evaluate my energy and focus, then decide whether to resume my meds…or not.

Well, Tracy Ware, the psychiatrist who spoke at the Meetup group (http://www NULL.meetup NULL.com/Triangle-Adult-ADHD/)two days after I stopped taking Adderall, scared the beejeezus out of me – her warnings about neurotoxicity seemed to be based in science. And I don't want fewer Dopamine receptor sites – I want MORE. Now the jury is still out on the overall effects of amphetamines, but why tempt fate?

Tracy told me privately that the Adderall would stay in my system for at least a month. A MONTH? She said that the second week would likely be worse than the first week. Hmmm .. this sounded a lot like detox, right? I didn't think of myself as an addict. Not ever. This was prescription medication. And I took only a tiny amount (max 2-3 pills a day of short acting 10 mg brand name Adderall).

But sure enough, the second week, I was draggy and had a hard time staying alert. Mostly, I was sleepy.

I found that if I got enough sleep at night (or with naps during the day), I was OK. But if I stayed up too late, got up too early or shorted my required 8 hours of sleep in some other way, I was blah. Just blah.

Couldn't get things done. Couldn't get motivated. Couldn't get going.

But here's the strange thing: I have been living in a mess in my bonus room/guest room for two years now. I am not proud of it. I am terribly embarrassed by it. But it's true.

Last week (third week off Adderall), I got the darned room cleaned up. Granted, I had motivation (my kids were coming to spend the weekend with darling little Lilly). And I had help (Erica the super organizer (http://www NULL.getalifeinc NULL.net/) came on Thursday morning and Janine the super housekeeper cleaned the rest of the house).

But I've had help before.
I've had motivation before.
But this is the first time I actually DID something about it.

Not only did we get the room cleaned, I bought a new bed, new curtains, new lamps and redecorated the room with a new duvet cover, pillows, mirrors and ceiling fan before they arrived! (Yes I had someone install the fan and hang the mirrors – is that cheating? Nope).

Point is that I am still tired/sleepy, but I seem to be getting things done anyway.
I am clearer about what I want and need done.
And I am pretty happy about it.

Is this an aberration?
Is it related to the absent Adderall?

Not a clue, have I.

But we're gonna find out.
In 10 days, I am going to go back on Adderall and monitor myself closely to see how I feel, what I accomplish and how my loved ones respond to the difference (if there is a difference).

In the meantime, I am taking more naps, trying to get to bed on time (what IS on time anyway?) and working in my garden for the first time in months.

Does Ritalin make you smarter?

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Watch CBS News Videos Online (http://www NULL.cbsnews NULL.com)

 

Last night's broadcast of 60 Minutes (CBS) confirmed my worst nightmares: that ADHD meds will become so popular they will be treated as "brain candy" instead of as a medical necessity for people with brains like ours.

College students agreed that pill popping is rampant on campus, especially with  stimulants like Adderall and Ritalin. They take them to stay up late studying; they take them to finish papers; they take them to focus on tests.

Apparently the stimulants are prescribed for truck drivers who are on the road for hours; and even doctors who work double shifts. But hey, back in my college days, didn't we do the same thing? Except the drug of choice then was No-Doz, 200 mg of caffeine concentrated in little white pills.

I went online to see if NoDoz was still around. Yep, it's still sold and it's a lot cheaper than Adderall or Ritalin. College students said Ritalin was selling for $3-$5 per pill. A bottle of 60 NoDoz costs only $9 online. Free shipping, too..

My fear is not that college students will get hooked on Adderall. My fear is that Adderall and its ilk will become so commonplace that their legitimacy as treatment for ADHD will be diminished, dismissed or even discarded.

The non-ADHD students interviewed by Katie Couric said they could focus better, they could read fine details even about uninteresting information. That's sure not what they do for the ADHD brain. I have clients who take their ADHD meds faithfully but still can't keep their attention on the chapter or the math problem or the To Do list. The pills help us pay attention; but sometimes we veer off into worlds of focus that have nothing to do with the original task.

So, let's be clear here. Just because everybody can take stimulants and gain some focus, it doesn't mean that ADHD isn't a valid diagnosis. We're out here. We still need our meds. And even if we forget to take a few each month, we shouldn't be sharing them (and especially not selling them) to all of the rest of you out there.

I guess it makes the drug companies happy. I guess students are happy and perhaps their professors.

I'm not so happy.

“R” is for relationships

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Someone asked me recently how to get past the deep sense of failure we ADHD women feel when we contemplate trying again to — fill in the blank with whatever you like. We have "failed" so many times that the subject doesn't really matter.

What does matter is my answer: it was all about my husband, Victor. When I faltered in my attempts to start the ADDiva Network, it was Victor that gently, but honestly, reminded me that this was the work I was born to do.

He stood by me, reassuring me over and over (I need a big dose of encouragement) and eventually, I began to believe him. And eventually I began to succeed.

The news may seem dismal, if you're not in a steady relationship with someone you love, or worse, if your relationship isn't supportive of you and your ADHD. But it doesn't require a fabulous husband or partner to gain that confidence in yourself. It requires someone on the outside reflecting back to you just how miraculous you truly are.

You are, you know.

A miracle, that it.

The fact that you cared enough about YOURSELF to read this post (not to mention finding the ADDiva Network in the vast ocean of the internet) means that you haven't given up hope. And when you have hope, there is a tiny pinprick of light that you can hear, and eventually believe, the good news about YOU. Yes, you.

ADHD isn't a life sentence (although a lot of people will tell you so), it just is. And your past does NOT predict your future. Will you be linear and color inside the lines if you have someone supportive in your life? Nope. But you'll feel a lot better about coloring without any lines at ALL.

Victor is a miracle, too. He's survived cystic fibrosis for nearly 59 years. The doctors told his parents he wouldn't see 19, let alone 59. So I take my turn in supporting him (even though he doesn't need a lot of support; he's pretty self assured these days).

It take someone outside our ADHD bodies to see the goodness that lies within. It takes a husband or a friend or a mom or a cousin or a coach or a therapist. It takes someone who won't get tired of reminding you again and again that you are worthwhile until … until … you know it's true.

"R" is for relationships

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Someone asked me recently how to get past the deep sense of failure we ADHD women feel when we contemplate trying again to — fill in the blank with whatever you like. We have "failed" so many times that the subject doesn't really matter.

What does matter is my answer: it was all about my husband, Victor. When I faltered in my attempts to start the ADDiva Network, it was Victor that gently, but honestly, reminded me that this was the work I was born to do.

He stood by me, reassuring me over and over (I need a big dose of encouragement) and eventually, I began to believe him. And eventually I began to succeed.

The news may seem dismal, if you're not in a steady relationship with someone you love, or worse, if your relationship isn't supportive of you and your ADHD. But it doesn't require a fabulous husband or partner to gain that confidence in yourself. It requires someone on the outside reflecting back to you just how miraculous you truly are.

You are, you know.

A miracle, that it.

The fact that you cared enough about YOURSELF to read this post (not to mention finding the ADDiva Network in the vast ocean of the internet) means that you haven't given up hope. And when you have hope, there is a tiny pinprick of light that you can hear, and eventually believe, the good news about YOU. Yes, you.

ADHD isn't a life sentence (although a lot of people will tell you so), it just is. And your past does NOT predict your future. Will you be linear and color inside the lines if you have someone supportive in your life? Nope. But you'll feel a lot better about coloring without any lines at ALL.

Victor is a miracle, too. He's survived cystic fibrosis for nearly 59 years. The doctors told his parents he wouldn't see 19, let alone 59. So I take my turn in supporting him (even though he doesn't need a lot of support; he's pretty self assured these days).

It take someone outside our ADHD bodies to see the goodness that lies within. It takes a husband or a friend or a mom or a cousin or a coach or a therapist. It takes someone who won't get tired of reminding you again and again that you are worthwhile until … until … you know it's true.