“R” is for relationships

Posted on April 2, 2010 by Linda

Someone asked me recently how to get past the deep sense of failure we ADHD women feel when we contemplate trying again to — fill in the blank with whatever you like. We have "failed" so many times that the subject doesn't really matter.

What does matter is my answer: it was all about my husband, Victor. When I faltered in my attempts to start the ADDiva Network, it was Victor that gently, but honestly, reminded me that this was the work I was born to do.

He stood by me, reassuring me over and over (I need a big dose of encouragement) and eventually, I began to believe him. And eventually I began to succeed.

The news may seem dismal, if you're not in a steady relationship with someone you love, or worse, if your relationship isn't supportive of you and your ADHD. But it doesn't require a fabulous husband or partner to gain that confidence in yourself. It requires someone on the outside reflecting back to you just how miraculous you truly are.

You are, you know.

A miracle, that it.

The fact that you cared enough about YOURSELF to read this post (not to mention finding the ADDiva Network in the vast ocean of the internet) means that you haven't given up hope. And when you have hope, there is a tiny pinprick of light that you can hear, and eventually believe, the good news about YOU. Yes, you.

ADHD isn't a life sentence (although a lot of people will tell you so), it just is. And your past does NOT predict your future. Will you be linear and color inside the lines if you have someone supportive in your life? Nope. But you'll feel a lot better about coloring without any lines at ALL.

Victor is a miracle, too. He's survived cystic fibrosis for nearly 59 years. The doctors told his parents he wouldn't see 19, let alone 59. So I take my turn in supporting him (even though he doesn't need a lot of support; he's pretty self assured these days).

It take someone outside our ADHD bodies to see the goodness that lies within. It takes a husband or a friend or a mom or a cousin or a coach or a therapist. It takes someone who won't get tired of reminding you again and again that you are worthwhile until … until … you know it's true.

Stimulating everybody’s brain?

Posted on March 27, 2010 by Linda

Recently, I heard a doctor tell a TV audience that stimulants like Ritalin and Adderall improve focus for ANYBODY, not just people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. His point was that a positive response to stimulant medication is not proof of an ADHD diagnosis.

Wait a minute. When I first tried stimulants they put me to sleep! It was the first thing that convinced me that I really had ADHD. I'd heard that people with ADHD have a "paradoxical response" to medication, so if I was sleepy after I took Dextrostat, I must have an ADD brain.

I later learned that I had misinterpreted that information. Stimulants don't really have an opposite effect on ADHD brains. Instead, they realign the dance of specific neurotransmitters so the neurotransmitters can hit their mark in the neuron network. I fell asleep when I took Dextrostat (100% dextroamphetamine) because it was the wrong medication for my particular brain chemistry. Adderall (a combination of four different amphetamine salts including dextroamphetamine) worked wonders for me – no midday naps, much more focus.

The TV doctor was reacting to news that some college students swallow stimulant tablets before exams to improve their competitive edge. No word on whether the stimulants actually boosted the students' test scores, but the doctor implied that the groundswell of adult ADHD diagnoses was based more on requests for stimulants than legitimate medical testing.

This kind of pseudo-medical nonsense makes me mad. It took me a long, long time to believe that my ADHD diagnosis was accurate. Now I realized I was deeply influenced by the skepticism of the media, the public and even the medical community about the legitimacy of ADHD. There was the pharmaceutical conspiracy theory: Big Pharma had concocted ADHD to boost their profitability. Adult ADHD was trivialized: only children could suffer from this silly little disorder so if you "still" have ADHD you must be immature. There was stigma attached to having something "wrong" with your brain: ADHD people are to be shunned or at least marginalized. No wonder I wanted nothing to do with any of it.

But here I am, broadcasting my ADHD story to anyone who stumbles across this blog. Obviously, I've come to terms with my ADHD. I know it's legit, that I am not a hypochondriac and that I certainly would never choose to take powerful medication if it wasn't necessary.

It's my responsibility – and yours, if you or someone you love has been diagnosed with ADHD – to combat the misinformation that masquerades as truth.

Do some of today's college students take stimulants before exams? You bet. Just like some college students took No-Dose when I was in college in the 1970s. And just like mega doses of caffeine, stimulants send those little neurotransmitters into hyperdrive in "normal" brains, creating frenzy instead of focus

Does it mean that adult ADHD is over-diagnosed? Nope. In fact, it is dramatically under-diagnosed; estimates show that only 10% of adults with ADHD are actually diagnosed and treated. Mark my words: in the next few years, we will see dramatic increase in the number of adults who are newly diagnosed with ADHD.

There will be a tipping point, a place at which an ADHD diagnosis carries no emotional baggage. It will merely be a condition to be treated, much like Type 1 diabetes or kidney disease. And then we can get on with the rest of our amazing and extraordinary lives.

Three stages of ADHD in women

Posted on May 8, 2008 by Linda

It has been my experience – both personally and professionally – that there are three distinct stages of ADD and ADHD recognition and acceptance for women.

Stage One: Nuts and Bolts – OMIGOSH, I have ADD! When women are diagnosed with ADD, there is often sigh of relief ("Ah, so THAT’s what it is. Thank goodness it has a name!") followed by a dig-in-and-fix-it determination ("Let me try everything and see what works").

Unfortunately the sigh of relief phase is usually quite brief. Continue reading →

My ADD handwriting sucks

Posted on June 16, 2007 by Linda

It happened again at the bank.

I wrote a deposit slip for $5,000 (it was for quarterly taxes, OK?).

The woman at the drive-through was quite pleasant as she processed the transaction. I thanked her and pulled forward, but before I left the parking lot, I glanced down at the receipt.

It read: $500

OMIGOD. That’s $4,500 less than I expected to go into the account. I’m pretty sure the IRS would not be amused by a bounced check.

I wheeled back into a parking space, grabbed the receipt and headed for the teller counter. She had the original check in her hand.

"I knew you’d be back!" she said gleefully. "It was your handwriting. I couldn’t read it," she added triumphantly. She adjusted the deposit and gave me a new receipt.

I was not triumphant. I was dejected, embarrassed and humiliated. Again.

My handwriting…um…sucks.

Always has and apparently always will.

And yes, it’s an ADD thing. Darn it. It’s an ADD trait I sure could live without. Excuse me for complaining about something so trivial. But perhaps it’s not so trivial to have trouble communicating on paper.

I’m a big list maker – errands, groceries, To Do’s. Lists are a good thing for ADD — they capture all those creative and random thoughts in one place.

Problem is that five minutes after I write them, I can’t read them. My husband (who apparently has a secret decoder ring) actually translates my own lists back to me!

Before debit cards were a fact of life, I was called on the carpet by sassy checkout clerks who insisted "The bank won’t be able to read this and I’m not going to be responsible for it!" I wanted to deck her and/or melt into the floor to avoid the sneers of the 1o people in line behind me.

Remember how good old Emily Post made that stupid rule about writing thank you notes with a pen and paper? Clearly she didn’t have a trace of ADD in her brain cells.

One of my friends (lovingly) says that she enjoys getting letters from me because every time she reads them, they take on new meaning (OK, so I’m interesting).

Why do I continue to write sloppily (hate that word)?

I just don’t have good coordination between brain and fingers, I guess. Years ago, I was writing a check while the clerk watched me. Noticing my handwriting, she said, "Oh, you must write really fast." As I laboriously finished writing the check, she looked disapprovingly at me. "Well, I guess not…"

As if writing quickly made it acceptable for me to write illegibly, but writing slowly was no darned excuse.

I have no excuse, really. My thoughts come rapid-fire and my handwriting arrives on a slow boat to China.

I’ve tried printing instead of writing cursive but it’s so time consuming. I tried a digital recorder, but somebody has to transcribe all those digital messages (not me…too boring). I’ve used extra wide lined paper, unlined paper, steno pads, legal pads. Nothing changes my style.

All I can say is: thank god for debit cards (fewer checks) online banking (even fewer checks) and email (typing is good for the soul). Technology has allowed me to communicate in a way I would never have been able to manage otherwise.

Just be thankful you aren’t reading this blog in my handwriting. Victor’s got the decoder ring this week.