I juggle a lot of "stuff" in my life - projects, relationships, households, pets, clients, travel and much more. So when I added the "go green" thing to my life, it was just about the straw that pushed me over the edge. Almost. Read the rest of this entry »

A striking young woman read my name tag at the ACO (ADHD Coaches’ Organization) conference last weekend and did a double take. "You’re Linda Roggli?" she exclaimed. "You’re the reason I’m here," she said. I looked puzzled for a moment, then she explained.

"I had almost decided not to come to the conference. I’m still in training, I’m not a coach yet, I didn’t need to be there and on and on," she said. "But then I got your postcard and I knew I was supposed to be here!" Ah, those inspirational e-cards I send out at irregular intervals to the women on my ADDiva list. I got it now. But which ONE so inspired her to action?

Read the rest of this entry »

It has been my experience - both personally and professionally - that there are three distinct stages of ADD and ADHD recognition and acceptance for women.

Stage One: Nuts and Bolts – OMIGOSH, I have ADD! When women are diagnosed with ADD, there is often sigh of relief ("Ah, so THAT’s what it is. Thank goodness it has a name!") followed by a dig-in-and-fix-it determination ("Let me try everything and see what works").

Unfortunately the sigh of relief phase is usually quite brief. Read the rest of this entry »

OK, so it was just a tagline at the end of a car commercial. What made it wry for me was that the car was a Ford FOCUS.Can you believe the ADD perfection in that? Just had to share it with ya.

Hugs

Linda

I’ve made a lot of commitments in my life. Lose weight. Get in shape. Write my book. Walk the dogs more often. Put money in savings. Go to bed early. Finish one project before I start another. You can see how my ADHD brain might rebel, or at least argue with, commitments like these.

To me, a commitment has always been BIG and SERIOUS and RIGID. Especially rigid. That particular combination has the continuing and infuriating effect of launching my perfectionism into orbit, which ultimately undermines my good faith decisions.

The internal conversation goes something like this:

Read the rest of this entry »

If there was a little red pill that would instantly eliminate your ADHD - permanent and irreversible - would you take it?

That was the question posed on an online forum of ADD coaches recently and it caused quite a stir. The group was split about 50-50 on whether they would take it or not. Some excerpts:

"Absolutely not! My ADD - good and bad - makes me who I am. … not to mention the creativity, sense of humor, sensitivity…"

"I would not take it. While my ADD make some tasks challenging, my ADD makes me an animated teacher that keeps my audience engaged. It also allows me to go with the flow and handle things most people get upset about."

"I would have to say ‘yes, I would take the pill.’ While I am able to do some things well due to the hyperfocus etc, there are more struggles that make life challenging."

"I would not take the pill because I have learned to use my ADD to my advantage."

"Yes, if I was sure I would not lose key abilities and personality traits that I enjoy with the brain I have."

So I started thinking (always dangerous - a pure place of distractibility for me!) about what I would do. And I’d have to decline the pill because I have no idea what life is like without ADD.

Sure, I might be more organized and arrive on time everywhere. But I kinda like being a little wacky and offbeat. I like my childlike wonder at the world. I like being open to new ideas, new projects, new attitudes.

I especially like my ability to see a completely different perspective on life. I solve problems in (probably inefficient but) crafty and creative ways. I am fully engaged in life, plugged in, if you will.

And you bet I could reel off a dozen "problems" that ADD causes. It’s funny, because after years of therapy and self help books and angst about ‘fixing myself,’ I have finally realized that I don’t need fixing.

My coaching training taught me how to ‘reframe’ my approach to almost everything that I once butted heads with as negative. It’s so much easier to simply accept, embrace and love what’s in front of me (or in my brain) instead of fighting with it.

The bad news is: there is no little red pill that will banish your ADD-ish tendencies. And the good news is that there is no little red pill…

But the question remains: if there was a little red pill, would you take it?

Many of you know that I hosted an ADDiva Dinner
at GardenSpirit Guesthouse this week. It was an amazing experience! I hold my head high to tell you that I was actually a few minutes late to my own dinner party (so what else is new?). At least Kristin (our new ADDiva chef) was in the kitchen so my guests weren’t abandoned.

Anyway, when I raced into the Guesthouse (sans makeup - that was the thing I decided to drop off my list so I could actually GET to the dinner), I could hear the chatter of enthusiastic women gathered around the kitchen table, getting acquainted, talking about their ADD-ish-ness, waving their hands (more about that in another post). It was AWESOME! Instant friendship, born of our common sparkle - ADD!

After everyone had said their goodbyes
and I was cleaning up a bit, I noticed a lime green Post-it stuck to the glass on the kitchen table. I picked it up, glanced at the writing and my heart melted with gratitude for whomever had scribbled the note. Read the rest of this entry »

I sometimes wonder if overcommitment is cast in a far too negative light.

I’ve heard all the psychological explanations about folks who want to “people please” by agreeing to virtually every request. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of just such behavior in my life, which often led to resentment, failure to meet my obligations etc., etc., etc.

But saying “Yes” to life is something entirely different. And I find it difficult to turn down opportunities to grab a big bite of life and enjoy it. I suppose my overcommitment is a way of ‘people pleasing’ — because it’s pleasing ME.

Overcommitment would be no problem if I was an excellent time manager, if I had impeccable organization skills, if I allowed my ‘bites’ to come in an orderly succession. That’s never been my strong suit. And to be candid, it’s not that attractive to me - dare I say - boring?

I tend to let the interesting, exciting projects and events in my life cluster on top of each other so that I feel overwhelmed and act a bit frenzied.

What I realize these days is that I kinda like living on the edge. For a long while, I believed that I didn’t fit the profile of an ADD adult in terms of being a ‘risk taker” to get the old adrenaline pumping. So I don’t go to the track to race stock cars. I don’t jump out of airplanes with a flimsy parachute strapped to my back (yet). I don’t play the slots with my hard earned dollars.

Instead, I overcommit. The adrenaline rush is similar, if not life threatening (ah, but why did I buy a hot air balloon, my friends? Hmmm. I think that was more about impulse buying..another interesting topic — oops am I losing my train of thought here???).

So it’s an ADDiva thing after all. So what? I doubt that I will ever give up my fascination with taking big bites of life. So I am committed to overcommitment…and I plan to include it in my Big Plan to be Fully Me — great plan, eh?

It doesn’t surprise me in the least. So why did it take an “expert opinion” for me to recognize that ADD women (aka ADDivas) are intensely spiritual?

Yes, Ned Hallowell, M.D. wrote about spirituality and ADD and ADHD in his 2005 book about adult ADD, Delivered from Distraction. It clarified something I had suspected for a long time: our sensitivity allows us to be closer to the energies of life.

Tonight I watched a documentary created by a young man of 24 who was searching for “happiness.” He knocked on the doors of many of today’s “living luminaries,” as he called them; priests, rabbis, professors, popular authors (Marianne Williamson, Eckhard Tolle) to find out about happiness.

The answer, of course, lies is within each of us. Not that we each have a different recipe for happiness, but rather that happiness is not an end. Instead, it is an accidental byproduct of living in the moment, aware and awaken to the possibilities.

I believe that ADDivas - far from being simply caricatures of themselves - are in touch with the deepest pulse of life. We are open to the wisdom of the universe if we allow ourselves to listen intently to ourselves.

One of my clients is midway through a multi-week class on Mindfulness, a bringing of awareness to the present. She appreciates how the 30 minutes of meditation allows her to be more calm, be more within herself. It’s a good reminder for all of us.

Allow yourself to be fully present. Ignore the blinking messages on the machine, the hundreds of emails and errands. Instead, remember Who You REALLY Are: an integral and crucial part of this amazing matrix of Life. How your brain jumps from subject to subject or whether you’re taking medication or not isn’t really important in the Big Picture.

You are enough, just as you are. You are PERFECT just as you are. ADD is just a functional, physical pebble in our pond that wiggles to and fro as the water washes over it. You are NOT your ADD. You are your deepest, most wonderful self and you have a purpose in this world, during this lifetime.

I’ll paraphrase the wise quote: “Don’t die with your music still inside you.” Let yourself sing, dance, create, LIVE…. full out!

The realization was shocking in its intensity.

I literally bolted out of bed this morning to write it down: I avoid team projects and collaborations like the plague because of my ADD.

I’m spending the week in hot-hot-hot Scottsdale, AZ at the Breakthrough to Success seminar with author Jack Canfield. We’ve been working with a partner or in groups of three or four since we arrived three days ago. No problem at all for me. Our work was completed in the room the very same day.

But now, there is talk of collaborations with other participants that will mean long term commitments and continued contact. I can tell that I am already beginning to shut down. I return to my room during breaks instead of “networking” with other participants. I find myself growing shy instead of being outgoing and gregarious as I was at the beginning of the week.

I hate it. I want to participate. But I have had my fill of being the person with great ideas, lots of energy, optimism…and then as my time fills up or my interest wanes, becoming the person who is undependable, “flaky” or missing in action.

I know deep in my heart (or brain) that I will get 1) bored or 2)busy and then begin to miss deadlines or appointments. Then comes that sinking feeling of drowning in Too Much To Do. Followed closely by pin pricks of resentment that I “have to” go to that meeting or “promised I would” come up with a proposal by 5 pm on the 22nd.

I feel pushed around by my own choices. And that’s the weird part: I MADE the choice to join the team. Or I used to make that choice.

What I know about myself is that I am (truth time here) not a good team player. Men tend to be better than women on teams in part because of their participation on team sports. But my reluctance to commit to working with someone else is deeper than gender differences.

It’s the secret heart of an ADDiva.

I don’t want to disappoint my team members. I don’t start out a collaboration with the intention of slowing down the project or being late to meetings. But it sure turns out that way. Ooops…in the past, it has turned out that way. I can change my future, right?

OK, so how do I make this work? How do I create this differently?

I can choose carefully the people who are my partners and teammates. I can make sure they are people who can accommodate my wonderful and important style of participation.

I can be honest about my abilities: I can tell people that I am a great idea person but sometimes stumble on execution. If they don’t like that, it’s probably not a good fit.

I can be realistic about my time commitments.

I can take on small bites of the project instead of gorging on gigantic pieces (my usual M.O.)

I can check in regularly with myself and with other team members to see whether we’re still a good fit.

Moreover, I can look at my staggering list of commitments and decide NOT to be part of a new MasterMind team.

Whoa. I can take care of me. And be successful because of my ADD rather than in spite of it.

Guess what? You can too. Go for it!