Comments on: My daugher is 27, has ADD and flunked out of college http://www.addiva.net/2007/01/30/my-daugher-is-27-has-add-and-flunked-out-of-college/ Celebrating midlife ADHD women Sun, 05 Feb 2012 03:57:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: kate http://www.addiva.net/2007/01/30/my-daugher-is-27-has-add-and-flunked-out-of-college/comment-page-1/#comment-6231 kate Thu, 18 Mar 2010 01:10:32 +0000 http://www.addiva.net/blog/?p=14#comment-6231 as an ADDiva 40 plus diagnosed just a couple of years back. my parents helped me a lot financially and provided excellent education opportunities. However, the thing that i really wanted from them when i was growing up was their acknowledgement that the problem was with me (they always blamed everybody else) and that i couldn't be expected to sort it out by myself 'cos it was bigger than that and to help me get appropriate support and diagnosis. i was a gifted student and talented athlete who cleared junior school with impeccable grades, but failed all the way through high school despite being on a full academic scholarship from y8-y12. repeated first year university....then scraped through my undergrad. then had to do major rewrites on my masters thesis before it was passed......the saga goes on. even now i just wish they'd helped me unpack the boxes in the house they bought me and help me at least start with it organised, i wish they'd help me set up my bank accounts with savings regularly deposited directly from my salary, not just told me i should've done it. i had no idea how to go about this and was too embarrassed to ask back then. i wish they'd said sometimes its not easy being you and we understand how hard you try, but you can do it, like you've successfully done other things. it wont always be the way others do it, it will take more planning and frequently more time and effort. you will need to speak up to get the support and assistance you need....and trust people to help you because with that help you can do more than they are aware you are capable of. we'll help you too if we can; when you want us to and in the way you want us to and without judgement because we love you and we feel special being part of your life and having that opportunity. we will offer to help, but we wont be offended if you say no. don't worry we'll offer again where we think we can help....firmly if it looks like we need to. of course you can always ask too. i have a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son and it is just dawning on me now as i digest their diagnoses that i have an opportunity to support them in the way i wish i'd been supported. I can openly acknowledge their challenges and celebrate whole-heartedly their incredible strengths which will enable them to rise above the inevitable glitches along an adhd-life's way. as an ADDiva 40 plus diagnosed just a couple of years back. my parents helped me a lot financially and provided excellent education opportunities. However, the thing that i really wanted from them when i was growing up was their acknowledgement that the problem was with me (they always blamed everybody else) and that i couldn’t be expected to sort it out by myself ‘cos it was bigger than that and to help me get appropriate support and diagnosis.

i was a gifted student and talented athlete who cleared junior school with impeccable grades, but failed all the way through high school despite being on a full academic scholarship from y8-y12. repeated first year university….then scraped through my undergrad. then had to do major rewrites on my masters thesis before it was passed……the saga goes on.

even now i just wish they’d helped me unpack the boxes in the house they bought me and help me at least start with it organised, i wish they’d help me set up my bank accounts with savings regularly deposited directly from my salary, not just told me i should’ve done it. i had no idea how to go about this and was too embarrassed to ask back then.

i wish they’d said sometimes its not easy being you and we understand how hard you try, but you can do it, like you’ve successfully done other things. it wont always be the way others do it, it will take more planning and frequently more time and effort. you will need to speak up to get the support and assistance you need….and trust people to help you because with that help you can do more than they are aware you are capable of.

we’ll help you too if we can; when you want us to and in the way you want us to and without judgement because we love you and we feel special being part of your life and having that opportunity. we will offer to help, but we wont be offended if you say no. don’t worry we’ll offer again where we think we can help….firmly if it looks like we need to. of course you can always ask too.

i have a 10 year old daughter and an 8 year old son and it is just dawning on me now as i digest their diagnoses that i have an opportunity to support them in the way i wish i’d been supported. I can openly acknowledge their challenges and celebrate whole-heartedly their incredible strengths which will enable them to rise above the inevitable glitches along an adhd-life’s way.

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